2012 [in snap shots]

January 2012

I got to go to Passion 2012, which was lifechanging and heartbreaking and really challenged us all to DO SOMETHING.

 I returned to Haiti, where I'd left my heart.

February 2012

I turned 24, in Santiago, Dominican Republic, while watching 4 kids' lives be saved by open heart surgeries that made them well.

March 2012

I got to see a little girl eat a popsicle for the first time. It was priceless.

I got to serve in Haiti with my brothers and sisters and parents in Christ, my Calvary family. I can't even explain how much of a blessing it was.

April 2012

God called me to make America my physical home again. Now I have two homes in my heart. Leaving my friends and family in Haiti and not knowing when I'll see them again was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

May 2012

I had one of the toughest months of my life trying to readjust to American life. It felt like I didn't fit in, and no one understood what I was going through. Praise the Lord for friends and family who loved me through it.

I was a bridesmaid in my beautiful friend Elizabeth's wedding!

We grieved [though some of us miles away] the loss of a precious baby boy who lost his short fight with AIDS.

June 2012

I spent a fabulous weekend at the river with the majority of my sweet fam! [missed my sis, of course]

I was a bridesmaid in my beautiful friend Kristen's wedding!

July 2012

We went on our annual vacation to Panama City Beach! So much fun!

Then, I had my heart broken by a boy like I never thought possible.

August 2012

I began the extremely long and painful process of embracing this verse with all my heart.

The baby girl that I love more than anything in the world started WALKING! And I got to see it via Skype :)

I got my first big girl job, and moved, yet again, to a new city.

September 2012

I went to the county fair and rode the Tilt-a-Whirl for the first time in several years. Basically a blast!

October 2012

I decorated tons of pumpkins for Halloween!

And only by the grace and mercy of God was I able to completely understand and conquer the bitterness in my heart and the amount of freedom that comes with forgiving others.

November 2012

I worked my first holiday [definitely won't be the last... turns out people still get sick, even on Thanksgiving and Christmas]. But because of that I got to celebrate Thanksgiving with some extended family in Murfreesboro!

And I learned how to Geocache.

December 2012

I took my Daddy to a candy store.

I gave my big dog a tasty ham bone.

And I got to spend time with my family/best friends, who I wouldn't trade for the world.

This is my life in snapshots from 2012. I got a new devotional for Christmas and couldn't wait to start it so I started on December 31st. That entry is focused on 1 Samuel 7:12 which reads "Thus far has the Lord helped us." It focuses in on the phrase "thus far." This phrase points toward the past, and as I look back on 2012 I would say it was most likely the hardest year of my life to date. I can also confidently say that my God was faithful through it all. I grew so much and learned so much and He never left me... He carried me through it all, as my Provider and my Protector, even on the toughest days. "Thus far" also points toward the future.. it indicates that there is more to come. I know there are more trials to come, more learning and growing to take place in 2013 and the years after that. But I also know that my God never leaves. He's been with me thus far, and He always will be. So it is with high expectations and great joy that I tip my hat to 2012 and say farewell, and turn my gaze forward with a smirk as if to say, "2013, bring it on."

the fragile room

 When I was younger my family used to visit my grandparents in Clarksville about every other weekend. My siblings and I loved the weekend trips when we got to explore unfamiliar and old-smelling closets, use ancient machinery like a typewriter or record player, play games and cards for hours, or play dress-up with our mothers once-stylish dresses and jewelry, all the while being the absolute center of the world for our Nanny and Grandaddy who were completely captivated by each of us individually and together. There was one room in my Nanny's house that she called the "living room." It was complete with pink carpet, a pink chair, the most uncomfortable sofa you could imagine, coffee tables and end tables and a cedar chest covered with breakable things like crystal plates and porcelain birds and glass bells. It smelled different from the rest of the house, and it was [with good reason] off limits. The only reason we were to spend time in the living room was if we were working a puzzle or playing a quiet card game. The door stayed shut, and the adults would say "There are breakable things in there. It's no place for horseplay or toddlers or rambunctious kids." So as we grew and our vocabularies increased, we began to refer to it as "the fragile room." We knew that the fragile room was full of fragile things that could shatter into thousands of pieces and be gone forever if they slipped from our slippery fingers.

Sometimes I think about this world, and I wonder if the Earth had a huge "Fragile Room" what would be inside? Recently I have been reminded of something that would fit there better than anything else: life. Even in my short 24 years of living I can attest to this statement, that this earthly life is a fragile thing that can and does shatter into a thousand pieces and is gone forever at the command of the One who gives and takes away. We may learn hundreds of different ways that this is true, but it does not make it any less painful when we are reminded yet again of the fragility of life and the certainty of death.

Many of you will remember baby KenKen who I had the privileged of caring for during my time in Haiti. He was 9 months old and weighed 9 pounds the first night in October that he slept in my bed. We soon learned that he and his mother both had HIV. Since October we have helped to educate them and get them resources as well as provide what we could for KenKen. To our surprise and only by the work of God, KenKen began to recover! In December we celebrated his 1st birthday, and by January he had cut teeth and grown hair. He continued to grow and get stronger, and as we all watched our faith in Christ grew and got stronger as well. He gave hope to so many who felt they were a lost cause. Praise God for using this tiny baby to teach so many people so much. After spiking a fever and being taken to the hospital, baby KenKen died on May 18th. His funeral was today and his tiny body was laid to rest. Please be in prayer for his mother.

October 2011

May 2012

The Bible tells us that life is only a vapor that is here for a short time and then disappears. How true that is. If you do not know Jesus, now is a good time friends. Let me tell you in short the TRUTH of the Gospel, in case you've never heard:
- We are all sinners. Born that way. Never going to be good. [Rom 3:10]
- We do not and will never deserve or be able to earn Heaven.
- Sin must be paid for. Either we must pay, or someone else must pay for us. [Rom 6:23]
- God sent His only Son, Jesus, to die for our sins and to pay the price so that we will not have to. [John 3:16]
- The only way to get to God in Heaven is through Jesus. [John 14:6] This means that, despite what America would tell you with our watered down version of Christianity, being a "good person" is not enough. This means that if your "good outweighs the bad" or if you are "doing better than most people" you are no more getting into Heaven and sharing in God's glory than someone who curses God's name.
-Once you accept Christ and surrender completely to Him, your heart will be more free than you can imagine, and you will be beyond blessed by living with the assurance that you are never alone and that one day, you will see His face. I know friends, because I experienced life without Christ for 20 years, and I now live with this freedom I'm telling you of.

Don't wait. Seek the Truth and find it in Him. Tomorrow may be too late. After all, life is in the fragile room for a reason.

time for everything

"  There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..."   Ecclesiastes 3:1

Tomorrow morning at 10:30 AM it will be my time to leave Haiti for now. At 12:30 it will be my time to land in Miami. At 3:05 it will be my time to leave Miami. At 4:25 it will be my time to land in Nashville. And then hopefully around 6:30 it will be my time to walk through my front door for the first time in 4 1/2 months.

On January 24th it will be my time to return to Haiti for a while. It will be my time to leave my family again and leave John again and leave my comfort zone again.

There is a time for EVERYTHING. And because I am a Daughter of the King, my time line is specifically and carefully drawn out by the Father who created the universe. How can I worry or fret or be nervous or be anxious when the God who made the world and uses the Earth as His footstool is the one calling the shots and directing my days?

My last few days here have been bittersweet. I kept thinking to myself "goodbyes are hard." And they are. But this time, it isn't goodbye for me. I can confidently hug the necks of all my Haitian friends and say "I'll see you in January!" I can confidently kiss the kids at the Children's Home on the faces and tell them "M'ap vini an Janvier!" These farewells were by no means easy, but they weren't as hard as indefinite goodbye's. I know that God isn't finished with me in Haiti, so I will be back.

Until then, I am so beyond excited to be home tomorrow. I have learned so much in Haiti this past little bit... and one of the biggest things I've learned is how much of a sacrifice it is for me to apart from my family and friends. It has been harder than I thought possible. I am so thankful for a break in this separation, although it means separation from my family and friends in Haiti for now. Guess I can't have my cake and eat it too, right?

I am constantly being reminded that there is a time for everything, except there is never a time to not be a light. In Haiti, Lawrenceburg, Knoxville, Nashville, Atlanta, and everywhere in between, it is ALWAYS the time for me to be a Light for Christ. I cannot wait to see the plan God has for using me to make His Son FAMOUS while I'm home. Pray with me for boldness and strength and obedience, because all are required to be a witness for the Savior of the World.

Here are a couple photos from my last days in Haiti:

KenKen's 1st Birthday!!! [never thought he'd live to celebrate this!]

Christmas Party for the Children's Home!

See you in America :)

to die is gain.

That the Light of Christ will shine in this country. That the Love of Christ will be shown to these people. That the Power of Christ will be revealed in a mighty way. That the Name of Jesus will be made famous here and throughout the world. These are our daily prayers.

God answers these prayers daily in various capacities. Some days it's through our children at the Children's Home, or through our Bible studies with each other twice a week, or through the church we attend in Pernier, or through mouths that we are able to feed on the street. I wanted to share with you the way that God has ordained that we would fulfill His Will this week.

About a week ago, we got a call from a UN Officer in a tent camp that she had come across a baby who needed medical attention asap. The baby, Bulin Noel, turned out to be a 2 year old little boy who had been severely burned by cooking oil over a month ago. His mom and dad were at work, and he was home alone with his two brothers [who are probably about 4 and 6]. His brothers cook for the 3 of them when their parents aren't there, and on this particular occasion Bulin stumbled into the hot oil. He spent a month in a hospital after which his mom left without discharge orders because she believed she could take better care of him in their tent. This is a picture of him the first time we saw him:

After a few days of building a relationship and finally some straight forward talk about the dangers of having this child in a tent camp, the mom agreed to go to the hospital with the baby. So we took them to Medishare and have been checking on them and giving her money for food and to get home and back daily. The baby is going to heal fine, but the situation just isn't good. His mother is 7 months pregnant with her 9th child [yes, 9th!] 4 out of the 8 she has had have passed away. They have almost no money and the kids often go with only 1 meal a day [or less]. Prayers for this family and the hundreds of thousands who are living in the same situation are so appreciated.

sweet baby on the way to the hospital

The other way that we have been able to show the Love of Christ this week is through loving on Baby KenKen and his family. Things are looking worse and worse for him [or better and better, depending on how you look at it]. His mom called today and said the AIDS hospital suggested he go to the Children's Hospital to stay at least the night because he was so sick. It probably won't be much longer until this sweet baby meets Our Lord! We are clinging to the promise that "To die is GAIN" for those who'll step from here to Heaven.

Both of these are such sweet baby boys. Honestly, I don't know how people who don't know Jesus handle things like this. If I had no Savior to hope in, I would have no hope. If I had no Savior to believe is good, I would not believe that good existed. So much darkness and sadness and pain that we face on a daily basis [as do you, whereever you are], but we face it all with a certainty that Our God is GREATER and STRONGER and BIGGER and more in CONTROL than any force or thing we could possibly imagine in this world or any other. He is our Rock and our Refuge, and we praise Him for situations like these that bring us to our knees and on our faces and remind us that we are nobody and this world is nothing, and that He is EVERYTHING.

Oh, and one more thing just for fun. Today while we were spending time with our charcoaled baby at Medishare I got to practice my "atraumatic care" skills that I developed in nursing school, which I'm certain my sweet pediatric professors would be so proud of. Check it out:

Peace and Love from Haiti!

not my own.

Hello friends... I'm sorry it has been so long! When someone asks me "are you still blogging?" I realize I need to get with it and start writing more! I guess being in Haiti is like being anywhere else... eventually the new wears off and you adjust to your surroundings. This is a good and necessary thing, of course, if I'm going to live here. But it also hurts my blogging because I forget that most of you reading this aren't accustomed to life in Haiti and you enjoy the little details and stories that I have come to expect.

Anyway... If I had a list of "top days" in Haiti, the last 7 would probably be at the top of it. Thanks to a little skin problem on her ear, Karis has gotten to spend the whole week with me while I gave her the medicine to get it better. Many of you will remember me talking about Karis from my first trip to Haiti in March. When I met her she was only 23 days old, and I fell in love. You can click here to read about the first week I spent with her. I left Haiti in March thinking I most likely wouldn't see her again. But she's now living in our Children's Home, and I've gotten to spend the last 7 days loving the heck out of her! Here is the proof:

Church on Sunday morning!

Happy Halloween!

I have decided that whenever God gives me a baby of my own, I want him or her to be exactly like Karis. She is cuddly and sweet, she sleeps through the night [about 12 hrs a night], rides in the car like an angel, and is not at all picky about what she eats. She's just perfect! And her sweet Mommy and Daddy who are adopting her are going to be so blessed by her every single day. Hopefully it won't be much longer before they can take her to the States!

Other things that I'm sure you are wondering about....
1. The hole in my leg healed. I thought it was over, and then low and behold, another spot came up that did the exact same thing. So the best diagnosis I could get via pictures sent in emails to doctors in the States was some type of terrible staph or other infection for which I should take 2 strong antibiotics twice a day for 10 days. After 2 days, it felt like the antibiotics had killed all the infection PLUS everything else possible in my body. I felt like I had gotten hit by a train. But I'm on the road to recovery with only 2 more days of medicine, and my leg looks to be healing again [from the inside out, like the last hole did].
2. We visited KenKen's family in their tent camp yesterday. They were so excited to see us. I wish I could tell you that KenKen looked and felt better, but that isn't true. He has been losing weight [so now he's less than 7 lbs] and has been running a constant fever. His mom handed me his papers from the hospital which were written in French, but the part I could make out was the final diagnosis and medications which read: AIDS, TB, malnutrition, and fever. Medicines: Tylenol. I don't think Haitians know the term "palliative care," but that appears to be what they are doing for KenKen. Prayers for this family and us as we wait for Jesus to take him are so appreciated.

Me, Isaac, and KenKen

 3. I have bought my plane ticket and will be landing in Nashville on December 15th around 5:00! I know it will break my heart to leave Haiti, but I am so excited to see my family, John, and my friends in Lawrenceburg and Knoxville [and everywhere in between]. It's strange because it feels like I have been in Haiti my whole life, but at the same time like I just got here... and it feels like I haven't been home in forever, but at the same time like I just left.
4. God has shown me a scripture which I have been clinging to as of late. It is Jeremiah 10:23 and it reads: "LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps." Many people want to know what I'm going to do with my life... what will you do when you get home? when will you be a real nurse? where are you going to live? what about a husband and family? how long will you work in Haiti? basically... when are you going to have a normal life like everyone else? Believe me people, I ask myself some of these questions on a daily basis. But the truth is I have no idea. And even if I gave you an answer, God would change it if He wanted to. My life is not my own... It is not for me to choose my next step. I am simply being obedient to the Spirit of God and waiting for Him to direct me. And I promise you, He is a faithful God who will not leave me hanging. He has me right where He wants me, and as long as I listen to Him and continue in obedience, I will stay where He wants me! The questions and answers don't matter... the only question is "Am I letting God direct my steps?" If the answer to this is yes, then everything else will fall into place in God's perfect time.

Prayers going up for you from Haiti today! So thankful for every single one of you and the support you show through prayers, encouraging words, and thoughts. My life is being changed DAILY and it is being facilitated by you. Goodnight!

a beautiful thing from dust.

When I can't remember what my last blog post was about, I realize it has been too long since I blogged. Things have been pretty chill around here in Port au Prince, praise Jesus!

Baby KenKen is still at the tent camp with his family. Last Monday we were supposed to go get the HIV results, but this is Haiti and nothing happens when it's supposed to. So we weren't able to get there on Monday, but his dad is only off work on Mondays. We definitely wanted the people at the AIDS hospital to be the ones to tell him and intervene if necessary once he knew the results, so we had to wait until this Monday [today]  to take them. So today we picked them up and headed to the hospital. Now, get ready for God to blow you away!

KenKen's dad got his results first: NEGATIVE. Then KenKen's [repeat test]: POSITIVE. At this point, we began hoping that his mother was negative too and the HIV was contracted from a blood transfusion he received in the hospital. Then his mom's results: POSITIVE. We thought that his dad would go ballistic, because our immediate conclusion was that he was not the father of the baby. But God wowed us all. The first words out of KenKen's dad's mouth were: "It's a miracle. I have been spared, by the grace of God." After a few moments of blinking in awe of his conclusion compared to ours, we stammered via a translator [AWESOME translator, I might add] about how it was indeed God's plan. And the next thing he said... "I want to accept Jesus as my Savior." Whaatttttt???!!! Did God really just use an HIV infection to bring a man to Christ?! We dropped everything we had, circled up right there in the middle of the hospital, and he repeated after me [via the awesome translator] and prayed to receive Christ. He smiled from ear to ear, we all let a few tears out, and then we told him we will bring him a Bible to his work this week so he can continue to grow in Christ. What an amazing outcome of this seemingly terrible situation.

KenKen and his Daddy

KenKen and his mom begin treatment in the morning at the AIDS hospital. They will provide complete care including counseling, family planning, free medication, nutrition plans, and a monetary stipend if necessary. We will continue to support them in any way that we can in regards to their physical and spiritual care. Continued prayers please!!

I am being reminded continually how majestic our God is.. how big His arms are and how intentional He is in the lives of every single person on this earth. I am being reminded of the desperation in this country for physical needs as well as for the presence of Jesus. I am being reminded of the desperation for the presence of Christ in my own heart that I often forget about or choose to ignore. And I am being reminded of the desperation for Jesus in America that I was often unaware of or oblivious to when I was there. Run to Him friends, and let Him fill you up! Because I promise it is the only way to be completely full.

Prayers from Haiti :) Goodnight!

[p.s. after today I am able to check another thing off my "101 in 1001" List. #9 reads: Lead someone to Christ. Praise my Jesus that happened today!]

family affair

Haiti is funny in that time passes fast and slow at the same time. I've never experienced that before I got here. Today I found myself looking at the calendar [yes, I made a community calendar as planned] and thinking, "It's already October??!!" And then, no kidding, 10 minutes later I looked at the same calendar and thought, "It's just October??!!" It's strange, really. But what about this place isn't just a tad bit off...haha.

This week I have been so blessed to meet and become friends with 2 and a half couples who are looking into adoptions [Shannon, next time bring your husband too!]. One couple, Jon & Glori, have already begun their adoption process. They are currently a family of 5 [with 3 girls] and will soon become a family of 7 [with 3 girls and 2 boys!] They are adopting twins, James & John, who are the two most hilarious and personable boys I've ever met.

Jon, Glori, James, & John

Well, it just so happens that James & John's mom [who is 16 and living in a tent camp with her mom] has another son, Jonathan. He is around a year old, and just as cute and fat as he wants to be! He quickly stole the hearts of the second couple, Chad & Shannon [who are currently a family of 5 with 3 girls also]. Jonathan's mother was overjoyed to find a family for Jonathan who will be living in the same home town and is friends with the family adopting James & John. But Jonathan's dad has not completely agreed yet, although it is looking like he may. Please pray for his dad to make the right decision for his baby, whatever that decision may be. Also pray for patience and strength for Chad & Shannon as they await the decision of his father.

Chad, Shannon, and Jonathan

When we went to the tent camp for Chad & Shannon to meet Jonathan, we also saw James & John's aunt, Denisea, who is 6 years old [yes, I said aunt]. We had seen her there before and every time we go she begs Wilna to let her leave with us. Her mother has agreed that it would be best for her to live at the Children's Home and be put up for adoption. After a few tears and a tight grip on Wilna, she agreed to let her come home with us for the weekend [to see how she would do away from her family]. She literally sprinted through the tent camp [no shoes and pants halfway down her butt] to change clothes and get her shoes so she could leave. I'm telling you, this little girl lights up a room like I have never seen before. She is street smart though, and has learned the ways of survival in a tent camp. It will take some time before she is adjusted to the structure of the Children's Home.

Denisea before we brought her home

She LOVED the bathtub [they bathe in the ditch with rainwater in the tent camps] and after some serious grease, shea butter, combing, and braiding, this is how her hair looked:

I don't wanna brag, but I did this, and it was my 1st attempt at braiding Haitian hair. :)

 And this is what she looked like today:

looks like a different kid!

Anyway... these 4 kids have been staying with us all weekend, so it has been a family affair! So much fun! After this week, I can honestly say that happiest thing I have been a part of is seeing a family reunited or united for the first time. Words can't describe how I have been blessed by watching these 2 families love on and enjoy the presence of their children. Prayers as they leave tomorrow are so needed.

For those of you wondering about baby KenKen, he is back at the tent camp with his parents. They were a little nervous about taking him back, but we explained that it is best for him to be with them [without having to explain that he is dying, yet]. We will take them all 3 on Monday to get the results from the HIV test, and then we will go from there. He is still eating and the mom says he's doing fine! Thank you for your prayers.

Last thing, I wanted to share with you some powerful verses that I read tonight. I challenge you to read these verses to yourself, and then wherever you are, go back and declare them out loud in a clear, strong, and sure voice. They are life changing!
Jeremiah 10:10-13
¹⁰ But the LORD is the true God;
   he is the living God, the eternal King.
When he is angry, the earth trembles;
   the nations cannot endure his wrath.
¹¹ “Tell them this: ‘These gods, who did not 
    make the heavens and the earth, 
    will perish from the earth and from under the heavens.’”
 ¹² But God made the earth by his power;
   he founded the world by his wisdom
   and stretched out the heavens by his understanding.
¹³ When he thunders, the waters in the heavens roar;
   he makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth.
He sends lightning with the rain
   and brings out the wind from his storehouses. 

These are promises people! Embrace them and know how mighty our God is! Until next time.... Love you!

great expectations.

You know that feeling of expecting something great to happen? Like if you have been waiting and waiting for a promotion at work and you feel you've finally earned it, a position is available, your boss calls you into his office "to talk" and you're sure it's your big break? Or if you prepare for hours for an exam, leave the test feeling like you rocked it, 24 hrs later see that the results are up and you are certain that when you click the link you will have aced it? Or if you and another person are praying about dating each other, you are sure that God has told you it is right, and you decide you are going to tell the other person, certain that they heard the same thing? That anticipation, that excitement, that feeling in your stomach of expecting something great. And then right before it's going to happen, you get that flutter of anxiety where your heart beats faster and your palms maybe sweat and you talk really fast and you almost have a sort of out of body experience.

You know that feeling of expecting something great to happen.... and then, it doesn't. That sinking feeling, like you got shot in the chest, like you're having to tell your lungs to breathe. When you get fired instead of promoted, or get a C in place of an A, or the person you're in love with doesn't love you back. We know that feeling all too well I'm afraid. With every expectation comes the opportunity for disappointment, and disappointment is heart breaking. This is especially true if you continue to be disappointed by the same situation or person over and over. Sometimes I feel like I have a certain amount of expectation for someone or something, and each time I am disappointed my level of expectation drops, until eventually I grow to not expect much of anything.

Yesterday I read the first 5 chapters of the Book of Jeremiah. Jeremiah was a prophet chosen by God to speak to the people of Israel on His behalf. In these first few chapters, God is addressing the actions of the people of Israel who have turned from Him and have begun and continued to worship false gods [such as golden calves]. It is verse after verse of God warning the people to turn back and return to Him. I got to Jeremiah 3:19 and my heart just broke. The end of the verse reads, "You would call me 'My Father,' I thought, and never cease following me." God allowed Himself to expect this from the Israelites. He got that excited feeling, that expectation of something great to come. Then in verse 20: "But like a woman faithless to her lover, even so have you been faithless to me." He also felt the sinking, the shot to the heart of having his expectations be met by nothing less than disappointment. He felt just like we feel.

I imagine it is similar to the way that KenKen's daddy is going to feel in a few days. We met with his mother and reported the test results. She was almost altogether unphased, which indicated to us that she already knew. She looks to be wasting away herself, and is most likely infected with the HIV virus as well. On top of that, she had a child before KenKen who also died as a baby and she couldn't tell us why. She threw in yet another facet of this situation that is going to change their lives when she told us that the first baby was not from KenKen's dad, and that she was worried about telling him the baby is positive because he will most likely blame her for giving it to him [which she most likely did]. So for now, KenKen's daddy does not know the fate of his baby. He knows that KenKen is sick with pneumonia, and that we are still running tests. He and his wife both agreed to get tested for HIV so we took them today but won't have the results for a week. We don't and probably never will know the whole story, but I imagine that his daddy is expecting his son to get well. He is probably expecting him to get medicine and love and come home all better. How great will the heartbreak be when he learns that this is not the case, and that his only son probably only has a few months left to live. The pit and pain of disappointment will be upon him in a way he may have never known before.

I know he is not the only one getting disappointing news. You too may be facing something that has disappointed you.. something you had great expectations for and when you learn that things aren't how you planned, you will be disappointed. I am learning this lesson alongside you and KenKen's daddy. It is part of living... to expect and to be disappointed. So does this mean we should stop expecting?

Jeremiah 3:12 reads, "Return, rebel Israel, says the LORD. I will not remain angry with you, for I am merciful." He said this after they had disappointed Him over and over and over and over, turning their backs and choosing other things over Him. And He knew that they would continue in their ways. Yet He offers forgiveness, mercy, and pardon. Even when they have hurt Him to His core, He offers to take them back. And this, brothers and sisters, is what we are called to do. No matter how many times we are disappointed, we are to press onward with great expectations for our God. I know it is hard, and it hurts, but we must continue to walk loving those around us, trusting them, expecting great things because our God did not give up on us and therefore we must not give up on each other.

KenKen on the way home from the HIV clinic today.

Please pray for this sweet family in the week to come. Their lives will be forever altered, and change is hard. I will continue to keep you updated on KenKen's life as things develop. For now, his mother asked us to care for him until the test results are back. So, I'm crossing my fingers for a night full of rest with this precious baby boy. Goodnight from Haiti!

i am not forgotten.

Good morning! You are probably thinking to yourself "what in the world was Chelsey doing up at 6:20am blogging?!" [or maybe you didn't even notice what time this was published, which is more likely]. The answer should not come as a surprise to you...

KenKen is 9 months old and weighs 7lbs. No, I'm not kidding. He is the length of a 9 month old and the weight of a newborn. He wears newborn clothes. He is skin and bones. He lives in a tent camp with his mom and dad, but has spent the last 3 months in the hospital with "a respiratory problem." One thing I learned quickly here is that nobody really knows anything. You know how in the States when you go to the doctor for a problem, you are pretty darn confident that they know what they are doing when they prescribe an intervention? Well, here all professionals [doctors, nurses, lawyers, etc.] carry around a book or two so they can look things up because they need to refer to them entirely too frequently. [Quick example... a doctor at the hospital I volunteered at a few weeks ago wrote me an order to give a 2 day old baby 4 mL of Tylenol. If that means nothing to you, that size baby should MAYBE get 1/4 mL]. Anyway... so, we got a call asking could we do something for this baby.

His parents do not want to give him up for adoption [hooray!], but they have already lost one baby and they are desperate to save his life. We picked him up 2 days ago with the intentions of getting an accurate medical exam and medication, and getting some meat on his bones and then giving him back to his parents as soon as he is well enough. Yesterday we spent the day in the hospital, running tests and xrays. After a lot of sitting and waiting, I finally went to the lab myself to get the results [if you're white you can pretty much do whatever you want because they think you must be important]. We were all a bit disheartened to learn that baby KenKen's chest xray revealed pretty severe pneumonia in both lungs and his blood work revealed that he is HIV+. We have to take him to a different hospital that has an HIV program to see what treatment options are. However, I don't imagine the drug cocktail that keeps people living relatively normal lives with HIV in America is available in this third world country, and from the looks of him and his health, he may have already progressed to AIDS and be beyond antiviral help.

Today we are meeting with KenKen's parents to tell them the news. We do know that while in the hospital in the last few months he received 4 pints of blood. Hopefully, this is where the HIV came from [which is possible depending on where the hospital got the blood they transfused him with] but more than likely both of his parents are positive too and he contracted it from his mother during birth. We will know after we take them to be tested. Another factor weighing in is that they will have to inform the leader of their tent camp. Each camp has a sort of "mayor" type figure that oversees the people in the camp. The parents had to ask permission to let us take the baby out. Think about how ostracized someone with HIV is in America, and then times that by 10 and thats how bad it is in Haiti. They don't have much medical knowledge, but they know enough to know that HIV is lethal and therefore they don't want to come near someone who has it. So we aren't sure what this news will mean for their living situation. At the very least they will be viewed differently and talked about throughout the camp [yes, Haitian's gossip just like Americans. Its a worldwide epidemic]. Prayers for this whole situation are precious to us.

For now KenKen will continue to stay with us, which means I am so blessed that he gets to sleep in my bed with me at night! Which means I get to bathe him and dress him in adorable pajamas like the ones in the picture above. And no, you can't get HIV from sleeping with someone who has it, or changing their diapers, or kissing their face. I am taking precautions where necessary, and continuing to love this sweet boy with all my heart! We don't know much about what the rest of his life will look like, or how long it will be, but we know one thing.... if he could talk he could boldly claim "I am not forgotten, God still knows my name." Because we know this is true.

I know this is a long post,  but it seems that things happen all at once in Port au Prince... sorry haha. Also in the last few days, we took in 6 more children at our Children's Home. They are all siblings.. their mother has 8 kids and is a single mom. Can you imagine that? She came to us and said she could not care for her youngest 6 children any more and wanted to give them up for adoption. Their father was on board also. However, we know all too well how hard it is to make that decision and how likely it is they will change their minds. So we agreed to keep the children for 90 days and then reevaluate with the parents and if then they still want to give them up, they can sign papers releasing their rights. For now, they are getting acquainted with the other kids and getting settled at their new home.

Above is a picture of one of the girls, Ruth. In all there are 3 girls and 3 boys... ages 12, 10, 6, 5, 4, and 2. Wow, right? They are relatively healthy and extremely wellbehaved. As you can tell from this picture, their mom dressed them in their Sunday's best to meet us. So adorable.

On a more personal note, I seem to have been visited by a spider who saw it fit to taste my leg. About 6 days ago I had what appeared to be a possible boil from a staph infection just above my left ankle. I began antibiotics and thought little of it. After a couple days, I realized it wasn't exactly looking like staph anymore so I emailed some pictures to a few of my medical friends in the States. One of my nursing professors [who is more like a mom and friend to me, and is also the one who had the yardsale for my Haiti trip] wrote back and said it looked like a spider bite, then began sending emails to several colleagues and a toxicologist.

These are exerpts from our email conversation:
Professor: Use a pen or marker and draw a line where your leg is red and endurated so you can compare. Also, measure your calf circumferences (compare to each other first, and recheck the affected one daily). Who is watching this, just wanted to know who is caring for you.
Me: thank you thank you! i'll do all of that. it is feeling better, but looking worse i think. at this point, you're the only one looking after this! and me, and a doctor friend in the states haha.we really don't have an american doctor contact in haiti right now, and the haitian doctors have no idea what they are doing. however, i just got a new baby tonight who is going to the hospital first thing in the morning.
Professor: When you get to where the Americans are give them the baby and you find the senior physician, preferably a surgeon. Keep you leg elevated tonight. Any fever? May I share these further pictures with a toxicologist? 
Me: yes share them with whoever! there is mild pitting edema above it, pretty moderate below. temp of 98.6. haven't had a fever. should i be freaking out? 
Professor: no
Response from toxicologist: Certainly looks like a necrotic spider bite. According to the Army, Haiti is host to a lot of bad things including the brown recluse. If her urine turns red she might be hemolyzing from the spider and needs care ASAP.

Anyway... don't freak out. I had the surgeons look at it yesterday. They changed my antibiotic, told me to take ibuprofen around the clock, clean it with peroxide and soap, and use neosporin on it and keep it covered. They want to see me back on Tuesday, and they say 99% chance it will be better. [other option is it will be MUCH worse and I will need surgery haha]. But this morning the swelling has already gone down remarkably and the red circle is getting smaller... I'm healing. I am also boldly claiming "I am not forgotten, God still knows my name!" Continued prayers are important to me though, and I will let you know how things progress. Oh, and I should add that this whole situation in which my professor who is benefiting none and has no obligation to take care of me went to bat for me and saved my leg [maybe an exaggeration, maybe not haha] reitterated the fact that the Nursing Program at UT is the best. :)

Again, sorry for the length of this post. I'll try to talk to God about spreading out the activity here so my posts aren't so packed haha. Love you!