desperation: noted

This is my first blog post since I got back from Haiti a couple days ago, and I don't want to completely overwhelm you so I am going to attempt to post several blogs and give a little bit about the trip in each one. I must warn you, however, that I could literally talk for 3 days straight, use 3 billion words, show 3000 pictures, and write 30 blogs about Haiti and it will still not portray a complete picture of how God worked in Port Au Prince while I was there. Still, I hope I can give you at least a glimpse of the impact that this country had on me and my faith, and how God used the Haitian people to strengthen me in my walk with Him.

One of the things that had the most significant impact on me in Haiti can be summed up in one word: desperation. There were so many people who were just incredibly desperate for things that we never even think twice about using. For example: clean running water, electricity, food, shoes, tooth brushes, shampoo, medical care, entertainment, etc. Things that we never even think about but we use on a daily basis. Rules for driving, a government who takes care of them, security and safety in their own homes.. the list of things these people are desperate for is endless.

Karis Kimberly

An extraordinarily tangible example of this desperation was revealed to me while we were down town at the epicenter of the earthquake. For those of you who didn't know, I kind of had a baby while I was in Haiti. Her name was Kimberly, and her pictures is to the right. I was holding her downtown while we walked through the rubble left from the earthquake and she was like a magnet for the Haitian people who were begging for food and money. Everyone kept asking if she was my baby, which I found amusing because she clearly was not. Anyway.. there was a father down in the rubble attempting to communicate with us although he understood no English and spoke only Creole. He was holding his daughter who looked to be about 18 months old, and he had his son who was about 5 years old by the hand. All three of them were very dusty and dressed in rags, with no shoes. He approached me and asked was Kimberly mine, to which I said "non". Then I used the only Creole phrase that I knew at the time and said "li belle" and pointed to his baby, which means "she's pretty." He then turned her over and pulled her dress up, revealing a large scar on the back of her leg that looked like a burn. He pointed to the rubble, insinuating that it was a product of the earthquake. I told him I was sorry ("mwen regretsa") and he then communicated that his wife (the mother of the baby and the boy) had died in the earthquake. Again, I said I was sorry. I expected this would be the end of the conversation, but I was wrong. He pointed to me and then to Kimberly, and I just said "yes?" He pointed to me again and then to his baby girl, and motioned as if he wanted me to hold her. He asked could I please take her. It took me a moment to realize what was happening, but then it hit me. This man was so desperate for a way to raise his baby that he was willing to hand her over to me simply because I was white, a woman, and was holding another baby already. Can you imagine? The level of desperation and defeat a father must be at to beg a complete stranger to take his child from him. It broke my heart.

That night I wrote this in my journal:
"We went downtown and saw the epicenter of the earthquake today... so much. Thats all I can even think is just too much. Too much rubble, too much destruction, too much poverty, too much devastation. Too many kids begging for even a drink of water."

As I reflected on this journal entry, I realized that I was wrong. Every place that I had written "too much", I should have written "so much". Because God has reminded me that He is the God of that country.. and there is no such thing as "too much" for Him. No matter how much something is, it is never too much for my God.  Deuteronomy 3:24 says, "O Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do?" After seeing so much desperation and hopelessness in Haiti last week, how comforting it is be able to rest in Christ, knowing that my Lord has got it all together. He alone can save that nation, He alone is strong enough to overcome ANYTHING that men have created. No matter how messed up it is, it can be made beautiful in His hands. Even in our lives, no matter how big of a mess we make, all we have to do is turn it over to the Lord and He will make it perfect. How precious and sweet it is to be reminded of that.