to live full.

Finally found a good use for the medicine vial lids that find
their way into my pockets at work!

Have you ever had someone throw you a surprise party? Or have you ever attended a surprise party for someone else? We can all identify with being that person to some degree... feeling like no one is making a big deal out of your birthday or whatever the occasion is, but definitely not showing it because that would just be too arrogant and selfish. Dragging yourself home with your head hung a bit, comforting yourself with thoughts like "Well, at least my show is on tonight" and "There's always next year for it to be my best birthday ever" or "I have my family, thats all I really need anyway." And then you come through your door, and all the people you love jump out of nowhere and scream "SURPRISE!!!!!!" and you realize they were actually beyond thoughtful and they did remember you, and your mind reels with events of the day that didn't make sense at the time but now it all comes together and you see this was the plan all along. You have that "ah-ha" moment when you realize you are truly loved, and treasured, and people have been intentional about making sure you know that they know you and are thankful for you.

I had a moment like this today.

But it was much bigger than friends at a birthday party. It was an encounter with the living God. It was an in-my-face, up-close-and-personal, Hey-I-LOVE-YOU kind of encounter where I stood dazed and overwhelmed by the reality that the Creator of every thing that is knows MY heart and MY needs and goes out of His way to meet me there.

I got a book for Christmas from my Mama called "One Thousand Gifts." I had seen it in the bookstore and was drawn to it because it has a bird's nest with two robin eggs in it on the cover. It's intriguing. After I got it for Christmas, I put it on my bookshelf with all the other books I think I want but never read. And there it sat, until Friday morning when something in my soul stirred me to pick it up and start reading. So, I did. And the first chapter held my attention well enough, a recount of a terrible tragedy the author had experienced as a child. End of chapter 1, I put it on my nightstand. That was that.

I signed up for a women's retreat that happened this weekend at New Vision. New Vision is BIG, and by big I mean like really big. So I don't know that many people, because I almost never see the same person twice [except my small group and a handful of others of course]. Anyway... the event was titled "I Want God." I didn't even know this was the name until I got there. I signed up so I could meet some women in the church. God had other plans.

The speakers name for the weekend was Lisa Whittle. She's a speaker and an author from North Carolina. She brought message after message overflowing with passion and truth about what it looks like to want God, and how to have Him. It was beautiful. She said things that stuck... things like "The best way to honor a life is by gratitude" and "We fill our mouths with all sorts of worldly food that we want to fill us, but it never does. If we taste God, in His fullness, all else would begin to taste very bitter." What is "His fullness"? I pondered. What does it look like to be full? To live a full life? And then the event was over and I came home, and that was that.

As I got in bed and reached to my nightstand for my word puzzle book Saturday night, there lay the book I started the previous day. I decided to read another chapter before I worked a puzzle. So I started chapter 2. The author begs questions... "Will I have lived fully-- or just empty?" "How do we live the fullest life here that delivers into the full life ever after?" "Give me the details of how to live in the waiting cocoon before the forever begins."

Suddenly I snapped the book shut and searched the cover for the author's name. I just knew it was going to be Lisa Whittle... the words I was reading sounded exactly like what she had just preached a few hours before. But it wasn't... the author's name is Ann Voscamp. I read on.

Voscamp goes in to great detail about thanksgiving and how vital it is to us living a life in the fullness of Christ. She explains that the phrase "he gave thanks" is in the original text the word "eucharisteo." I was raised Catholic, and we took communion every day and it has always been known to me as the Eucharist. My mind went immediately to the celebration of the Last Supper.

She broke it down further... "charis" is the root word, meaning "grace." Further still... "chara" is the root word of "charis" meaning "joy."

Charis. Grace.
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.
Chara. Joy.

By this point, I was bent low. I was humbled before my God at the way He was stringing things together, at the repetition of the things I was learning. I was amazed. And I was refreshed with the idea of thanksgiving for every part of every part of my life, the good and the bad, and for the grace that covers me, and I said prayers of thanksgiving through tears of joy for things that I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be able to be remotely thankful for. And my heart swelled, and I felt a bit fuller and a bit more aware of this mystery called the "fullness of God."

And I slept, and I woke Sunday morning and I got ready and went to church. It was crowded at the 10 am service, as it always is, and I found a seat and met a new friend there and we drank our coffee and chatted. Then we stood and worshiped, then we sat and got out our pens and papers and listened to a message and took notes. And then, the announcement. "Today, as a family, we are going to take part in the Last Supper." My jaw nearly hit the floor. This was an unplanned celebration, a surprise. I can't even remember the last time I got to participate in Communion... it is sporadically celebrated at this church and my church before this one, and I'm sporadically in attendance at church at all because of my work schedule.

We passed the bread and wine and took our portion. We sat as a body of Christ and ate and drank together. The Eucharist. Eucharisteo. Grace. Thanksgiving. Joy. And again, my heart swelled and it was revealed to me more, more of the fullness of God. And the more I know of it, the more I want to know of it. I am convinced it is the sweetest food for the soul that exists. To know the fullness of God, to experience a full life, to LIVE FULL.