the button-downs

When I chose to become a nurse, I really thought that the amount of ironing I would be doing for the rest of my life would be minimal, what with the scrubs and all. And then, I married a minister.

So many button downs, ya'll.
Like, so many.

Today I stood over the ironing board with the toddler hanging from my leg and the baby bouncing in his seat on the table in front of me and I thought about my husband and our marriage. We've been married now for 2 years and almost 7 months. To some of you, that seems like forever. To some of you, you're laughing thinking, "Wow, they're just getting started." While that is true in light of a lifetime, two houses, two dogs, and two kids into this thing I can tell you we've learned one thing for sure:

This marriage gig isn't for the faint of heart.

It is fun and exciting and romantic and reassuring and my sanity most days and easily the best thing that's ever happened to me. But lets be real, it isn't always all of those things, and even on the best days, it just ain't easy.

There are, however, a handful of habits Sam and I have developed that I believe play a major role in keeping this ship from sinking. Top 5, here we go!

1. Sam calls on his way home.
Ministry, as many of you know, is not a 9-5 job. More often than not, Sam isn't home at the time he thought he would be, or a ball game he goes to is cancelled last minute, or a leader lunch pops up just as I'm about to start miracle whipping bread for sandwiches. I've learned that this comes with the territory (in the same way that Sam had to learn to tolerate my cat that was part of the deal when he married me), and honestly it doesn't bother me anymore. What does bother me is not knowing whats going on. So Sam has gotten really good at letting me know! He calls me every day around 5 and lets me know if he's coming home or how long he'll be. He sends a quick text when he leaves a ball field and always asks if he needs to pick anything up on his way home. He tells me on Sunday afternoons his best guess at what lunches look like for the week. This makes all the difference to a wife who has been home with two babies all day watching the clock inch closer to 5:00 so she can get a little adult interaction. As long as I know what the plan is, I'm okay if 5:00 turns into 7.

2. We go to bed together.
If at all possible, we get in bed at the same time. The newborn stage has a way of throwing that routine off, but now that our chunky little 3 month old guy has moved to his own room, we are back to our usual. Even if I'm he's not sleepy, he reads beside me while I fall asleep. Even if I cannot sleep because there is a craft spread out in the living room begging to be finished, I lay down with him until I hear him heavy sleep breathing and then I creep out of bed and turn on the low lights and get back to work. Sometimes we talk about our day, sometimes we cuddle, sometimes we laugh until we cry, sometimes we make fun of each other, and sometimes we lay in silence on our respective sides of the bed until we are both snoozing. But we always go to bed together.

3. We go to a main worship service together.
Let me be real honest. We are at the church basically every time the doors are open. Sam works there every day. The kids go to "school" there once a week and the nursery at least twice more. I go to Bible study on Wednesdays. We play at the playground on Thursdays. The church is our home away from home. So sometimes, the last thing I want to do is go to a church service we aren't required to be at. But we decided about a year ago to make attending a main worship service together a priority, and it has made a huge difference in our marriage. Something about sitting together, just husband and wife, worshipping side by side, listening to a message, comparing notes, learning more every time about who Jesus is... something about that puts a shield around your marriage that Satan cannot penetrate.

4. I regularly bring up the topic of "how can I love you better?"
I want to make sure you catch that... I regularly bring it up. It has been a process but I have learned that it just isn't in most men's genes to analyze and reflect and dig deep on their own to ask such questions. So I take the responsibility and I ask him often for specific ways that I can do a better job as a wife. Sometimes he brings something major to my attention that I didn't even realize I was doing or not doing. Sometimes he can't think of a single thing to say (this literally blows my mind). And sometimes he gives me a very practical and simple thing, such as "It would really make my life easier if you could iron my button-down shirts so that I don't have to every morning." [Hence, the ironing board I was hovering over when all of this occurred to me today]. Let me be clear, I never ask him this so that he will ask me. Manipulation has no place in a healthy marriage. But this question alone has sparked so many healthy conversations that we always come out of knowing each other and loving each other better.

5. No question or comment is off limits, provided it is delivered with gentleness and love.
This is perhaps the most important and effective thing for us. We both know and are confident that we can ask any question or make any observation or request at any time and it will be received with grace. We read each others emails, look through each others phones, talk openly about each of our extended families, critique each other's parenting styles. I tell Sam when I need him to hold my hand more and he tells me if there is a particular shirt I wear that he just really doesn't like (and I reluctantly get rid of it, even if it is a sweater with ruffles at the wrists that make me feel like a shetland pony, which I love). Once a week even, one of us asks the other "Is there anything you've been thinking about that you want to talk about?" (I almost always have something. He rarely does. Boys.) Of course, we do not always agree and we often have lengthy discussions before finding common ground, but still we both know no topic is off limits.

It isn't all roses and rainbows, but it is always worth it. Working to love each other better makes us look more like Christ, and thats what we're striving for.

What are some things you've found that help keep your marriage afloat? Impart your wisdom, we all know you've got some!

how we wear our hats

My husband is a hat-wearer. He has at least 15 hats stacked neatly thrown in the top of our closet, 4 of which he actually wears on a regular basis (story of my life). Texas Rangers, OKC, Kansas City Royals.. snap backs, flat bills, on and on. My favorite is when he wears them backwards.. I think he's such a cutie. Anyway, the point is, he wears a lot of hats. 

cute, right? told ya.

And don't we all?

Husband.
Wife.
Mom.
Dad.
Nurse.
Teacher.
Minister.
Sister.
Daughter.
Son.
Brother.
Aunt.
Uncle
Mentor.
Friend.

And the list goes on, doesn't it?

Wearing hats isn't all we do, though. We are also professional managers of things.

House.
Dogs.
Baby.
Cat.
Rental house.
Hospital floor.
Church office.
Friendships.
Marriage.
Bank accounts.
Small groups.

And this list.. it goes on too, right?

With so many hats and so many things to manage, our marriage and our family are among the first things to get swept up in the chaos and jostled about. Over time (and especially since we added Quinn to the mix), we have begun implementing habits into our days and weeks that we feel help us keep it together and stay on the same page. Most of these ideas were passed to us by people much smarter than us and who are probably doing them much more effectively than us, but nonetheless I thought I'd share today in case any of you feel like you or your marriage or your family are being taken away with the current of a busy life.

1. We have individual daily quiet times.
This is first on the list because it is undoubtedly the most important. We have learned the hard way that when we aren't spending intentional, personal, alone time with Jesus, things just don't go like we intend. Our stress levels are lower and our fuses aren't so short and our words come out much more gently when we start our days off with Christ. And coffee.

2. We do our chores.
Per the advice of a very smart and practical lady, Sam and I both do chores every morning. I have 4 chores (make the bed, clean the litter box, clear the sink/counter of dishes, and empty the robot vacuum) and Sam has 2 (take out the trash, clear the bathroom counter of clutter). We do them within the first 15 minutes of waking up (or try to) and it has changed the way our house runs. Try it. Seriously.

3. We put the baby to bed.
Literally. This is so important for us. When Quinn was 7 weeks old we moved her to her own room. Soon after that she learned to put herself to sleep and started sleeping 7-8 hrs at a time (thank you Jesus). So at about 7:30 each evening we bathe her, feed her, and put her down. This gives us 1-2 hours of alone time where we can talk about our day or sit in silence or watch a TV show together or make out if we want (yea, I said it). It has been vital to our sanity, honestly.

4. On Sundays, we look at the calendar.
Because my husband is a little bit of a nerd (but still cute, especially in the backwards hat we talked about earlier), we have our iPhone calendars synced. Sunday evenings we do our best to sit down and look at the week together to make sure we both know whats going on. This way we both know which nights we have free (if any), which days we can do lunch together, and which nights would be best for hanging out with our friends.

5. We MAKE time.
Some days are full. Take Wednesdays for example.. Sam leaves the house at 6:45 in order to work out before work, works 9-5, gets ready for and runs Wednesday night programing for Junior High students, waits for parents and cleans up, and then gets home about 9pm, just in time to throw himself on the bed and fall asleep exhausted (I can't blame him... its a busy day!) Or some Thursdays, for example.. He gets breakfast with a student at 7:20, then works 9-5, then we grab a quick dinner and head to a football game which puts us getting home, again, about 9pm. On days like these that we know (because we've looked at the calendar) are going to be crazy, we plan ahead and set aside 15-30 minutes for just us. Like on Wednesdays, I cook dinner and take it to his office about 5:30 so we can close the door and eat together. On other busy days sometimes we both get up 20 minutes early so we can have coffee together in our kitchen before the rest of the world wakes up and the busyness starts. No matter how full the day gets, we find a few minutes where it's just us, and it makes all the difference.

6. When we can't DO something, we SAY something.
Sometimes, even if we plan ahead, date nights and family walks and pillow talk just don't happen. When plans get cancelled and other things come up, it can be very frustrating and discouraging, especially for me. Thankfully, my sweet husband is so intentional in these situations when he can't physically be somewhere to make sure I still know he wishes he could, and sometimes thats all I need. He is the best about sending me a cute text or leaving me a thoughtful note or surprise FaceTime calling me. We all know actions speak louder than words, but for times when action is just not possible, the right words do just fine.

And thats about all I've got for today. The baby's hungry and the dogs are barking at the neighbors and the cat just knocked over some fake flowers that I've disguised as fall decor. So, these are the ways that we not only survive but truly get the most out of this beautiful thing we call life together. Hopefully something in this post will help you do the same!

sacrificial love

I run through the drive thru less so he can go more.

In the driveway, he parks furthest from the door so I can park closest.

I love orange sherbet ice cream, but I buy Neapolitan because I know he likes it better.

When the dogs bark at 5am, he gets up and lets them out, every time.

We are learning the meaning of

sacrificial love.

Day in and day out, my husband and I are becoming more and more aware of what it looks like to put someone else's needs above our own.

I get tired of making the bed every morning and sometimes I don't want to do dishes or laundry, but I still do, for him. He prefers sci-fi movies and sitcoms about the government, but he took me to see "The Box Trolls" and he watches "Grey's Anatomy" on Thursdays.

If we have learned one thing about this thing called marriage, it's that it entails a never ending stream of sacrifice. We each do things we would never do if it were up to us.

Yet we do them joyfully, and willingly.

We pour ourselves out to each other and serve each other so that at the end of every day we climb into the bed exhausted in our bones and in our souls, but we can always say that

we have given each other all we had.

Because we are husband and wife.

And it is our heart's desire not just to love each other, but to love each other well.

[photos by Rachel Moore Photography]

two weeks in

Tonight marks two weeks since our wedding day! We are sitting at a little coffee shop reflecting on our first two weeks of marriage and we have decided to share with you a few things we have learned since the honeymoon is over and we are officially back to reality. 

Of course, one of the biggest changes that we have faced has been learning to sleep in the same bed through the night. The first night we were back in Dallas we tucked ourselves into bed beside each other and I rolled over and looked Sam right in the eyes and said, "Hey babe. Guess what? When you wake up in the morning, I'll still be here :)" He smiled and responded, "Hey babe. Guess what? You're in the middle of the bed." 

Three mornings later as we sat up at 7am having our morning coffee, Sam turned to me and in his most sweet husband voice said "Hey babe. How would you feel about considering some nose strips for you? You snore." I died laughing. We are learning each other, thats for sure. And as of now, we continue to survive without the nose strips.

A few nights ago for the first time Sam fell asleep and I laid awake in the dark, afraid to move for waking him up. After half an hour of listening to him breath, I slithered to the edge of the bed and slipped my ipad from the floor, darkening the screen so it wouldn't wake him. I proceeded to flip hamburgers on a ridiculous cooking game for an hour or two while he slept soundly beside me. Whatever works, right?

One of our favorite things to do on nights we have off from the real world (which let's be honest, doesn't happen that often), is drink coffee at a restaurant with a bottomless coffee bar and plan student discipleship or write sermons or do our devotionals beside each other. We are working on befriending our waiter as I'm typing this, actually. 

We spend at least two nights a week at various football games supporting players and cheerleaders. We are so excited for the fall weather.. I personally can't wait to decorate and carve pumpkins and drink apple cider until I explode! I'm trying to talk Sam into dressing up in a couples costume for Halloween. He's not convinced. Maybe because I want to be Cruella Deville and I want him to be a Dalmatian on a leash? I'll keep thinking on it.... haha

Speaking of dogs, tomorrow afternoon we are officially adopting not one, but TWO puppies! They are 15 week old Australian Shepherd mixes.. brother and sister. The boy's name is Siri and he is black with a little white on his face.. he's calm and reserved. The girl's name is Echo and she is white with a little black on her face.. she's crazy and energetic and in your face constantly wanting attention. "They match us!" Sam says. I wasn't sold on two puppies at one time, but once I met them I couldn't resist. They are so so so cute. I'll probably reference this email in which I'm excited about it multiple times over the next few months when I will inevitably want to give them away. Puppy training begins immediately, don't worry.

I guess thats it for now! We are doing great as husband and wife and are sending love from Texas to wherever you are!