unclench your teeth

Sam and I honeymooned in Nassau, Bahamas at a Sandal's all-inclusive resort. Crystal clear water, food for days, king sized bed, and best of all, no phones or internet. The one on one time with no obligation or desire to connect with the real world made it a heavenly trip. While there, we decided to embark on a few of the adventures suggested by the resort. One of these was a snorkeling trip!

Neither of us had been snorkeling in the ocean before, and we were both super excited. After a little mix up with the booking office, we were finally cleared to get on the boat. It was a huge sailboat and we were the first of probably 50 people to board so naturally we got the best seats. The three hour endeavor included an hour boat ride out, an hour of snorkeling, and an hour ride back. It was a beautiful sunny day and the breeze from the ocean couldn't have felt better as we glided across the water to the snorkeling location.

For whatever reason, when I read "snorkeling" I assumed we would be taken to an island of some sort and would be wading in the ocean with snorkeling masks and goggles, looking at all the beautiful fish that swim in water I can still touch bottom in. You can imagine my surprise, then, when the boat stopped and dropped a huge anchor in the very middle of the ocean. The crew began handing out flippers and goggles and such, a ladder was extended from the center of the boat down into the deep ocean water, and it soon registered with me that this was where we would be snorkeling. The lifeguard made a few announcements about staying on the right side of the boat and not kicking each other in the face with our flippers and then added as an afterthought almost, "You'll be in the water for about an hour. If you're not a strong swimmer we have some life vests." I can swim just fine in a swimming pool or lake or any body of water really, but had absolutely no desire to test my swimming skills in the middle of the 100 ft deep ocean rolling with waves and teaming with fish. I was first in line for a jacket.

Sam went down the ladder ahead of me and then helped me get my flippers on as I entered the water. We swam easily to the right side of the boat where the coral reef was. It was beautiful with all kinds of colorful fish and plants. We swam beside each other and pointed things out underwater, coming up frequently to clear our goggles or blow water from our tubes. We also spent a considerable amount of time cackling at each other as we talked inaudibly through our tubes underwater. Sam was having the time of his life. He loved every minute of it. After about 45 minutes, I pulled him above water and said "Hey. Just so you know, I am really having to talk myself into not panicking." The water was rough! And when we got to the edge of the reef we could see hundreds of feet down below into deep water where any number of fish could be, including sharks! We had to work hard to stay near the boat and even then we inevitably floated away and had to constantly swim back. It was fun, don't get me wrong, but after the hour was up I was definitely ready to get back in the boat.

Once back onboard, we turned in our gear and resumed our positions on the front of the boat. This is when I realized that my jaw was sore.

I had had my teeth clenched tight on my mouth piece the entire hour I was in the water. 

There were too many factors that I couldn't control for me to relax while I was snorkeling. The water, the waves, the fish, the goggles, the other people, the boat... I had no control over these things and could not say with certainty what they may or may not do.

How often do we find ourselves in this position in our lives? We are constantly surrounded by things we can't control... factors like our circumstances or other people's choices or our environment. Whether it is a job situation or a dying marriage or a sassy two year old or rebellious teenagers or terrible teachers or bad weather or unexpected news or a life altering daignosis... we cannot control everything that happens to us. And this makes us stressed, and tense, and unable to enjoy the world around us.

Praise that there is a God who is in control. And who is bigger than us and who has been here before us and knows already what is best for us.

Unclench your teeth friends.. relax your tense muscles.

Give your anxieties to the Lord, take a deep breath, and know that He's got you. It's better that way, I promise.

reflecting on 2013

A few days later than planned, but I'm reflecting on 2013:

January: I did a science experiment and made a volcano for these cuties.

February: I turned a quarter-of-a-century old. And I had a quarter-life crisis, which consisted of running a redlight, spending $100 on completely random stuff at Walmart, and eating a half gallon of icecream from the carton by myself. It was perfect.

March: I ran my first and only 5K, and I got the privilege of meeting Emily Elizabeth Moore just hours after she made her debut into the world.

April: I flew to Texas to celebrate the marriage of sweet friends, and reconnected after two years with the guy I'm gonna marry.

 

Also, I visited my family in Haiti. My heart was so incredibly full.

May: I got to go to my baby sister's 100 Club Banquet, and I met Sam in Knoxville to be his date at a wedding. [This was before we were dating, and I remember being so nervous not knowing what to expect or what to do].

June: I spent Father's Day and a couple other weekends on the river with my fam. I will desperately miss that this summer.

And I flew back to Texas to visit Sam and be the nurse at Junior High Camp. And just before I flew back to Tennessee, Sam asked me to be his girlfriend. <3

July: We made our annual Florida vacation [which I will also miss desperately this summer]. And my baby brother got married! And Sam came to Lawrenceburg for the first time and met my family.

August: I got to see Kessy stateside for a few days! And I went to a Titans game with part of the fam.

September: I flew back to Texas for a weekend and got a job and an apartment. Then Sam flew to Tennessee and drove me back to live just down the street from him. Crazy and bold, I know. But we both knew it was right.

October: Sam became the Junior High Minster, I started my new job as an oncology nurse, we carved pumpkins, supported friends who ran a 5K in the pouring rain, and took our junior high students to serve at a neighborhood in south Dallas. Busy month!

November: Sam turned a quarter-of-a-century old! And we drove to Houston to celebrate Thanksgiving with some of his family.

December: We flew home to Tennessee for a surprise 50th birthday party for my Mom, had a Christmas date night complete with selfies with Delilah, I dyed some of my hair pink, and, oh yea, WE GOT ENGAGED!

January 2013 I would have never ever predicted that this is where my life would be in January 2014. God has huge and crazy and awesome plans for your life too, you just have to let go and trust that He knows best. We all know that life is forever changing, good and bad. Take heart today, He has a plan. And He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Look back and take a minute to reflect on 2013, and then let it go and look forward to whats next.

heres to 2014, friends!

summer in snapshots

Oh my goodness... sweet friends, I am still alive. I know some of you must be wondering where in the world I have been. My apologies for the extended absence from the blog world... the thing is, it's summer, you know. And this has definitely been one heck of a summer for this girl. So, I want to catch you up but I don't want to overwhelm you, so I'm allowing myself one picture and one sentence to explain per random event I want to tell you about so far. Hold on to your hats people... here we go!

-A weekend at Joe Wheeler State Park in Alabama with the Dishman cousins from Atlanta.

-Completed #19 on my "101 in 1001" List: Refinish a piece of furniture. Child's dresser ($50 on Craig's List) repurposed as a TV stand.

-Spent Father's Day weekend in Monteagle, TN with my mom's side of the family for our annual mountain summer trip.

-Spent a week in Texas with an awesome group of people and a very sweet [and handsome] guy, being the Camp Nurse for Junior High summer camp at Prestonwood Baptist Church. So. Much. Fun.

-I have been working 3 nights a week [believe it or not, between all these trips], and I have had the opportunity to complete several more things on my list. Like #36: Leave a 100% tip, which I did after work one morning when I hit up the Waffle House solo style for breakfast. And #42: Play in the rain, which went down outside the hospital on the way to my car at about 7:30am when I was delirious from no sleep and had the time of my life splashing in puddles and spinning in circles in a downpour because I knew I was going to be in my bed in a matter of minutes and that's all that really mattered at the time. And like #77: Hug a stranger. This I do pretty frequently to console anxious families or comfort scared or lonely patients... it never fails to remind me of why I'm a nurse.

-And also, I went to Panama City Beach for our every-summer family vacay! Despite terribly thunderstormish weather and some super frustrating hotel reservation drama, we had a fabulous time! And I completed #49: Build a sand castle. [p.s. this is like WAY harder than I thought].

Whew. It has been one heck of a summer so far! And we still have a whole wedding to go! Through it all, I am being constantly reminded of how faithful my God is, and how much better His plans are than mine, and how He really is working all things together for my good. Can't wait to tell you more!

For now, love from me!

the point is..

Man, it's sad the things that take a back seat when life gets busy [blogs, for example]. It's been too long! Lets see, since the last time we talked, I've spent about 3 months flipping between night and day shift every few days [which is killer, btw], tried out a handful of precious little restaurants in Nashville on Friday nights, and I've been on two pretty awesome out-of-town adventures, among other things. You know me, go big or go home :)

First I went to Dallas for a weekend to celebrate the marriage of one of my sweet girlfriends from college to her now-husband. I had never been to Texas before, and it's always fun to travel with friends so it was pretty much a blast. It was like a college reunion with our closest friends, some of which I hadn't seen in WAY too long. It's always good to reconnect and catch up, even if we might not all be together again until the next person gets married.

And then a week after that, I made a last minute decision to visit my family in Haiti! I know, I should have told you... but I kept it a surprise so that they would be excited when I got off the plane there. It was an adventure to say the least haha. I got caught in the whole American-Airlines-computer-crash fiasco on my way down and spent an extra 5 hours chillin in the floor of the Miami airport. My week of Haitian sun was spent catching up with my family at the mission house, loving on the ladies that take care of me like I'm their daughter, surprising my old English class and seeing those ladies, loving on the kids at the Children's Home, and then, to top it all off, I got to spend my last two nights with Karis! It could not have been a better trip [unless it was about 6 months longer haha].

And now, I'm spending a few days at home, taking a break from real life. There's nothing better for the soul than staying up late with sisters, listening to Nanny's stories for hours, and eating your mama's cookin. Sometimes it's the best cure for everyday life.

Anyway... I'm getting back on the blogging horse. I've gone to only night shift now at work, so no more flipfloppin for this girl. And there are no more airplane trips on the agenda in the near future [although you just never know when that might change..]. The point is, I'm back and ready for action. So, stay tuned...

holding

Last week we managed to get my parents, 1 grandmother, and 4/5 siblings plus their significant others to Panama City Beach, Florida where we enjoyed 5ish days of beautiful sunshine [mostly], clear water, delicious food, sandy feet, hard sleep, and sweet time together on vacation. Although we have been to Florida every single summer since I was born [24 years ago], this vacation was like no other to me because this was the first year I went to the beach without my Sis. She and Hunter  [her husband of almost a year :)] are in grad school at ETSU and could not swing the trip. It was a fabulous trip, but in the sweetest and most glorious moments, I found myself sitting still and thinking "I wish Sis was here." They have no idea how much they were missed.

the whole crew

Several things off my "101 in 1001" List could have been accomplished this week, but I was only proactive enough to solidify one thing. #53: Wear a floppy sunhat. And floppy my sunhat was.

This hat, believe it or not, was actually normal-looking when my sweet Mom bought it for me. I wore it for about 15 minutes before I decided to get into the ocean with it. I dunked it, it floated! Great news! And then, it went limp. and dried this way. So, here I am in my too-floppy sunhat, wearing it for a photo nonetheless.

The last few days I have spent in Knoxville. We had a wedding on Sunday, I visited my Sis in JC on Tuesday, and now I'm awaiting Thursday when I'll make the travel to Murfreesboro for a dentist appointment and then on home to Lawrenceburg where I will resume my daily routine of rushing and running and waiting. I am still awaiting a call from MTMC about the job I interviewed for. She said it would be this week, so we shall see. Also, another possible opportunity has somewhat arisen at Vanderbilt Medical Center so if you would pray with me about that it would be awesome. Besides these things, Haiti has been weighing heavy on my heart the last few days. I'm trying to hold it together, but when I'm alone for hours with only time to think and reflect, the following circumstances occur frequently:

Yesterday I was driving to JC [2 hrs from Knox], and all I could think about was Haiti. I smiled thinking about the people there that I spent so much time with. Then I thought of nights sitting up with Lani and Naomi in their bedroom, and out loud I said a Kreyol sentence explaining my life right now: "Mwen pa konnen. Mwen genyen Jezi, m pa bezwen lot bagay." And then as soon as I said it, I burst into tears. I thought of how Lani would smile and nod her head Yes vigorously, and how Naomi would say "Chelsey, ou bon zanmi mwen. Ou konnen Jezi." And then of how I would cry, and Lani would pull me in to her plump chest and wrap her short arms around me and love me until I felt better. And I would have paid any price for a plane ticket right that minute to go back. But I know I cannot... not until God leads me there. So until then, I will pray, for guidance for myself, for wisdom, for protection for my friends and family in Haiti. And I will cherish my life today. Because what other option do we really have, except to be thankful? Join me! :)

lucky #13

Not sure who this little lady thinks she is trying to ruin my Florida vacation next week, but I'm not too happy with her about now!

I have recently [as in, yesterday] started digging deeper into Scripture with some simple suggestions from John Piper in this article he posted on his site, desiringgod.org. It is phenomenal... the whole site. So check it out whenever you have a minute. My current plan is to read through the Bible front to back [I've made it to 1 Chronicles as of now], hardcore study Romans, and memorize the book of James [or restart memorizing.... I had started a while back but kinda fell off the wagon]. Make a plan, and join me in the Word people!

This past week I was blessed with the opporunity to go for my first job interview as a Registered Nurse! It was at Middle Tennessee Medical Center in Murfreesboro. I prepared for days my response to the typical interview questions, questions I would ask when it was my turn to make me look smart, and spent hours working on my Nursing Portfolio to make sure it was just right. All to get there and meet the sweetest lady in the world who didn't ask me very much of anything except what Haiti was like. The whole interview was more like she was trying to convince me to work there rather than me convince her to hire me. I think it went really well... at least thats what she told me haha. And she's supposed to call me in the next couple of weeks about the next step in the hiring process! Oh, and the best part? MTMC is owned by Saint Thomas Health, so it's a faithbased organization. I didn't think that really had any effect on the day to day job, but my jaw almost hit the ground when the interviewer's closing remarks were, "I think you would love working here because it's a faithbased facility. We usually pray before meetings and it's not unusual for us to pray with patients on the floor before procedures or any time really. I think you'd be a perfect fit for that!" Are you kidding me, God? An opportunity to use my degree and license as a nurse, WHILE I minister to the sick and tell them about Jesus, and thats actually what I'm SUPPOSED to do?! I'm beyond excited, obviously. Maybe this is what God has next for me! I guess we shall soon see!

And, last but not least... this past weekend we all became river rats and spent the weekend at Joe Wheeler State Park in Rogersville, AL. And by "we all" I mean everyone except my Sis and Hunter, who we missed terribly. Seriously guys, at least once every 2 or 3 hours somebody would say "I wish they were here." Johnson City is too far away!!! Come home! :)

Here are some pictures from the fun-filled, sun-filled excursion:



So, there ya have it. Fun times haha. And I took the opportunity this weekend to be very proactive and find something I could check off my list. I succeeded in completing #13 from my "101 in 1001" List which says: Take a fish off the hook with my bare hands. [My personal favorite part is around 00:13 where I start to panic and whine for my Daddy haha] Enjoy!

Well, thats all for today folks! Whatever it is you need to do/want to do/are scared to do... get out there and do it! Have a great day and a great week, or embrace a crappy day and a hard week if thats whats in store for you.... be joyful, make some memories, but above all, glorify the King!

light hearts.

As you have probably gathered from my last few posts, the past few weeks in Haiti have been hard. They have been filled with unimaginable heartbreak, tears, and feelings of despair for everyone. We as a team and family had just about had all we could take. Praise our God that He knows us and has given us a few days of restoration and recuperation this week.

We have been having some serious car trouble here in Haiti. The roads are terrible, and it is [as we are learning] nearly impossible to find a decent mechanic around here. So since I have been here our cars have been consistently in and out of the shop for various reasons. This week we have been left all day every day without a vehicle to leave the house in. As frustrating as this was at times, it has proven to be a genuine blessing from God because we have been able to take time to just rest. Rest is not something I do willingly, generally speaking. Actually, there are several of us here who have a problem doing it until we are forced to. I'm so thankful that God forced us to this week, because it was much needed.

We spent a couple days sleeping a little later, laying around and watching tv, catching up on emails, listening to podcasts, and stumbling on stumbleupon.com [ahem, Ashton & Wilna]. Yesterday we were able to get away to the beach for a few hours as a Chadasha family. It was so good to see everyone smiling and laughing, with light hearts and truly having a good time. [and I must say, everyone looks better with a tan :)]. Below are some pictures from the day:

You can see more pictures by clicking here.

As I reflect on the last few days, Psalm 46:10 comes to mind. It reads: "Be still and know that I am God." It is easy for things to get moving here so fast that we forget to be still in Him. This is even more true for things in America. But it is so important to take time to just breathe... just sit still and relax yourself even if it's just for a minute, being completely confident that God's got this or that and everything in between because He is God. So I challenge you today to do just that... no matter how crazy your schedule is or how hectic your day might be, take a personal timeout for as little as 1 minute to do nothing but remind yourself that He is God. Because I can assure you nothing can give you as much peace and rest as this.

breakdown.

Please tell me someone remembers that song by Julie Roberts... "Break Down Here". If not, you should youtube it like now. Go on, and then come back here. :)  Anyway... it's been in my head for a few days, so I thought I'd use it to my advantage.

We made it back from PCB this weekend, and I'm back in Knoxville doing my thing, counting down the days until I leave! [28 days from today!]. This week so far has been full of ups and downs.... to be cliche.. "an emotional roller coaster." Two of my sweetest friends that I share my love for Haiti with are currently there. When I'm in the States and I feel like I'm going to have a "Haiti meltdown" [as I so accurately call it], I call either Sara or Cheyenne. We meet and talk for however long we need to, until I am composed and able to function again being here and wanting to be there so bad. Since they are both there right now, it has made me want to be there so much worse PLUS now I don't really have anyone who can help me carry the load... no one else who really understands how heavy it is anyway. But, God is good, and his timing is perfect, and I know that He is working even when I feel like I'm standing still.

So, lets do highs and lows. We'll start sad, and end on a happy note, because thats the way I like to do things!

Lows this week:
 --missing Haiti like crazy
 --4 Haiti breakdowns that brought me to tears in the last 5 days
 --Having to drive 15 hours in 2 days
 --A friend getting some sad news [prayers would be lovely.. God will know who you mean.]

Highs this week:
 --getting back to Knoxville safely
 --getting to Skype with Cheyenne, Sara, and my friend Kessy in Haiti!!!
 --my friend Katie posted this blog on my wall that has 30 hairstyles in 30 days.. mostly braids which I LOVE!
 --anticipating babysitting the sweetest little girl every on Friday
 --being overwhelmingly blessed by donations from people
 --knowing that my Jesus is Sovereign over all!
 --I bought my plane ticket!!!! [1 way..yikes!]
 --my sis's wedding is getting closer!!

And now, prayer requests:
 --for Sara in Haiti
 --for the newest orphanage which I haven't told you details about yet
 --for my sweet friend that I mentioned earlier
 --for me, that I can be content and usable where I am, instead of wishing I was somewhere else

Another thing... I have been given an unofficial list of supplies that are in high demand for the orphanage in Haiti. Things that I will be able to take with me are:
--art supplies [crayons/markers/paint/glue/scissors/paper/etc.]
--deodorant
--pillow cases and twin size sheets
--bubbles/small toys
--towels/wash cloths
Any donations can be brought to my house in Knoxville or Lawrenceburg!

Perhaps the thing I look most forward to in Haiti is meeting the children at this orphanage. They came from a really bad part of town, and all of them know heartache much to well for their ages. From what I understand, they have all but forgotten that they are children. They don't play and laugh and run around and act silly... they barely even smile. They are grown up kids. And I cannot wait to get there and help them rediscover their inner child. I cannot wait to play with them, love them, and tell them that this world sucks, but Praise Jesus, we have a Savior who has conquered this world!! I can't wait to read to them Romans 8:35-37 which reads: "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ....No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." How precious are those words for these hurting children, and hurting people everywhere. Share them today :)

My fam [minus my brother] on the beach... me, my 3 sisters, parents, my mom's mom [nanny], and my sister's fiance [hunter]. and this pic is a little awkward, but what can you do? haha