bruised knees

The past two weekends I have spent with my family enjoying the great outdoors on the river in Alabama. Both weekends were equally enjoyable, great weather [mostly], a few fish biting, and plenty of together time. I was introduced [or reminded of] an idea this past weekend... the idea that

God values calloused and bruised knees over cracked and blistered hands.

I had to read it several times before I really got it good in my head, and even now a few days later I'm still mulling it over. The idea that although of course my good deeds are important to God, my coming before him on my knees in awe, admiration, complete defeat, tears, abounding joy, begging and pleading, lamenting or rejoicing, this is what He loves most.

How many days have I spent laboring, tirelessly, working to bring change or comfort, to teach or to move or to heal? And these are important, of course, because what is faith without works? But if I'm honest, some nights I get in bed and I think of all I have done, physically done with my own hands or my own words or my own ideas, and I feel proud. And my hands are worn and I hold them up to the Father and I say to Him "Look! Look at these hands. Look at all I have done for You." And something in me feels satisfied with that, with knowing I have done something.

But when I listen to Him, He tells me He wants something different from me. He loves my worn hands, of course! But He wants more. He wants ME, not just my hands. His heart cry is for me to be so in love with Him that I am on my knees more than anywhere else. So desperate for His presence and His guidance and His peace that I live my life on my knees, always bent low in constant prayers of thanksgiving and of praise. Being on my knees is a heart condition, one that I am so inclined to decide against. It isn't easy and it doesn't come naturally, because I am flesh and my human heart, on it's own, it's desire is to be in the King's chair. It is a constant battle with my flesh, to bend low and to bow down, but this, this is what He wants.

And I am convinced that deep down, in my heart of hearts, He is making me new. He is making His desires my desires, and He is making me to desire this. And so, I bend.