I am Israel.

I realize that since I have gotten back to Haiti I haven't written nearly as much as I used to. Believe me, it's not because there isn't anything to say. Mostly it's because I haven't known how to say it or where to start, and I still don't really. What I know is that I am sure that we cannot see ourselves clearly until the Lord lets us, and He has just recently opened my eyes to how much I am like Israel in the Old Testament.

I know some of you automatically tune out after seeing an Old Testament reference, but seriously, stick with me.. it makes sense, promise. All through the Old Testament Israel struggled to walk with God. He made huge promises to them and laid out the necessary things to do and the repercussions for not obeying over and over and over and over, and yet they still panicked every time things got hard. He brought them out of years and years of slavery in Egypt for goodness sake, and some days they whined and cried about that even. Well, this is where I have been. You have probably gathered that this trip to Haiti is MUCH harder for me than the first go round. I miss John more than anything... I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my church, I miss having a job, I miss stores, I miss being able to create things and do artwork and craft, I miss good internet, I miss driving. I miss everything, about 100x more than I missed it last time. And I have been living in that mindset of missing things since I got back here, and I want to be transparent and tell you that parts of me are still there.

There are lots of changes going on with Chadasha here in Haiti. And we all know how hard change can be for everyone involved. So I feel like the past few weeks of being back here have been spent balancing things, people, situations, and my own self. And balancing is HARD WORK. And it's not fun, and it's uncomfortable, and it's not what I want to be doing. And this is where I relate to the people of Israel. When they get tired of eating mana, they complain. When they get thirsy, they complain. When they see all the people occupying the Promise Land, they complain. They fret and worry and start looking for a way out, speaking out against the God who brought them where they were. And I did all of these things, internally. I have been complaining and crying and fretting and freaking out basically because this isn't easy for me right now. But just because it isn't easy doesn't mean there's not a purpose. The hard times are the times that are most often used to grow me and teach me.  

James 1:2-3 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials of various kinds. For you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." Praise the Lord for the times that He reveals Truth to me.  Praise the Lord for the way that he helps me reframe my situation and get a new perspective. And with His Grace alone I am trying to embrace these verses every morning, noon, and night. Because it is joy for me to suffer for my Lord. I am priviledged to be able to bear a burden for His Name. And so I will rejoice!

On Sunday I leave for the Dominican Republic for another round of heart surgeries. As of now, there will be 3 kids and 3 guardians traveling with us and each will receive much needed surgery. Their names are Guyito, Rutherchy, and Sophonie. Prayers for us all as we prepare would be great. I will give you details about them and the trip as it unfolds! For now, I pray that God reveals things to you about yourself today that you didn't know before. I pray that He helps you to reframe and get perspective and I pray that you allow Him to change your heart to make it more like His. Love you friends!

me and some of the kids waiting to get dental work done before we get to Santiago!