the clash.

Clash is defined by old Mr. Webster as "a collision, especially a noisy one". How appropriate to describe the way my heart feels tonight as I sleep my last night in Knoxville. There is such a collision of emotions in my heart... so incredibly joyful that I am only 9 days from returning to the one place I have found on this earth where my heart feels content, but simultaneously painfully sad that I am leaving my family in Knoxville. [Yes, they are family.] I think that the "noisy" part of this particular clash may erupt tomorrow morning as I spend my last few hours at Calvary, where I may or may not cry my eyes out thinking about leaving the people who have left countless footprints on my heart and molded me in ways that have made me more like My Savior.

To be cliche... it's bittersweet. Obviously, I am rejoicing in being in the center of the Lord's will for me, but change is not something that I deal with very well. So it's a good thing that I don't have to deal with it on my own, and that the Lord fights for me. [Psalm 35:1: "O LORD, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me."]

I am so thankful that the Lord has provided me with nothing less than an absolutely blessed week as my last week in Knoxville. Most of you already know, but I chaperoned an Extreme Kids Camp this week and it was such a joy to get to know and love the kids at Calvary. They are absolutely hilarious and my only regret is that I didn't get to know them all before this week! They are all such bright lights for Christ even at such young ages. So many fun memories with these kids as well as the other chaperones!

The kids before scuba diving!

On Thursday night my sweet friends Jen and Kiersten organized a "see you later" party for me. Although I am sometimes loud and don't get easily embarrassed, I am not accustomed to being the center of attention on purpose. It took some getting used to, but I ended up being overwhelmingly blessed by the pouring out of love that I felt at that party. The group prayed a prayer over me popcorn style and it moved me to tears.. so humbling to hear my closests friends and mentors lifting me up individually to our Father. I've never felt so loved in my life. Friends, you know who you are, and I literally love you to pieces. My time in Haiti will be so sweet, but I will think of you often and pray for you constantly! All of you.. from Texas, to Tennessee... from nurses to teachers... you are precious and I love you!

 

As I lay my head down to rest again tonight with a semi heavy and semi light heart, I think about Psalm 121 that talks about how God never sleeps. This week I was asked to do a short devotion with the kids, and these are the verses I shared with them. They were absolutely amazed at the idea that God never gets tired and never goes to sleep. It's so refreshing to see things from a kids point of view. 

I also find comfort in the following promises from Ecclesiastes 3:

¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

I love these verse because they remind me that there truly is a time for everything... a time for saying hello and a time for saying goodbye.. a time for leaving and a time for coming. And praise my Jesus that He is Soverign and has control over the timing of all these things.. and He is an on time kind of Savior. Rest easy people... go to sleep knowing that He is watching over you. Wake up knowing He is still watching, and He isn't even tired. And do whatever hard thing it is you will do tomorrow or the next day or the next day or the next day, knowing that there IS a time for everything. 

Goodnight :)