tragedy: untold

Although I come tonight with too many blessings to count, I come tonight with a heavy heart. Let me tell you first the past week that has led to the thoughts I will display in this posting tonight.

The past week: I finished this semester (much stronger than I expected, actually) on this past Monday at about 2 pm. I worked at Peninsula Behavioral Health where I am a program counselor on Tues, Wed, and Thurs from 7 am to 7 pm. Of course this is extremely wearing on a person physically as well as emotionally. I was off Friday, and then went back and did another 12 hr shift on Saturday. Today I drove home at 10 this morning and met my family in Nashville where we went to see the Christmas lights at the Opryland Hotel. We then drove home in the whirlwind of snow at a snails pace and have finally made it home to watch tv in front of the fire.

I truly love working at Peninsula, and the patients that I work with there. Of course it is sometimes frustrating, as all workplaces can be, and the patients are needy and gamie and attention seeking. But when I work several days in a row, I get to really know the people and their stories. The mentally ill and the homeless are often overlapping populations, and they are both dear to my heart. I understand that some people are very unsympathetic to both of these groups of people because they have problems and behaviors that the general population does not understand. But I feel extreme empathy towards these people, and genuinely believe that they are worth listening to, because they each have a story that makes them who they are, and it is easier to understand them after you have heard their story.

There was one patient in particular who I cannot get off my mind. To avoid HIPPA violations and being fined thousands of dollars, I will not go into detail about him. Lets just say he had experienced numerous episodes of tragedy in the form of loved ones dying over the past year. He was older, and his eyes were truly sad. I can't stop thinking about him, and how sad he must be with the holidays coming up. When I think of Christmas and the New Year, my mind goes to yummy food and gift giving, a whole month free of classes and plenty of time with my family. It is the best time of year for me. This man reminded me that it is the worst time of year for some people, and to me that is a tragedy that is often untold.

I can honestly say I have never experienced a tragedy, and of course for that I am thankful. However, sometimes I find myself asking God to do something, anything, to get my attention. Its like I know I should be running to Him, but I feel so much closer when I have nothing left except Him as my only hope. When my world is shattered to pieces, I can only rely on Him to put it back together. ("The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:18) It reminds me of the song that says "If thats what it takes to praise You, then, Jesus, bring the rain." I feel weird praying a prayer like that, but sometimes I feel like that is what would make me the closest to Him. I must be desperate for a Comforter before He can comfort me, and at this moment I don't feel desperate... but I want to.